So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
