tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
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Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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