I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
