Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
