Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
