Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
