After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
