i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
your room smells of hookers.
And success
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
