Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Randomize
