Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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