he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
