My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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