im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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