Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
