But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
