PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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