how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
