I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Randomize
