i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
