I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
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