I faked an abortion last night.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
