You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
