soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
