so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
