Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
