I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
