he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize