Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
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