margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Everclear isn't food dammit
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
