Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
it was like eating out sand paper
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Randomize
