i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
