I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
