He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
