I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Randomize
