Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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