the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Randomize
