You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
