I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Randomize
