i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
