I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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