The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
