Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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