My sheets look like a crime scene.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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