Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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