I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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