She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
