cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
