Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I will pee on everything he values.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
