Sponge bath it is.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
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