all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Mom said you looked used
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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