you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Randomize
