Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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