Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
