ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
