I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Randomize
