My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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