Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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