so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
