The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize