I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
