my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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