Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(770): View more from Georgia

I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them

Fav 25 938 4774
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(815): View more from Illinois

There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.

Fav 12 5619 1129
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(517): View more from Michigan

The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came

Fav 16 7489 1417
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(217): View more from Illinois

i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.

Fav 5 4640 2228
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(248): View more from Michigan

Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?

Fav 9 2417 2017
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(650): View more from California

I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.

Fav 10 2792 1635
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(303): View more from Colorado

Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?

Fav 11 2382 890
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(702): View more from Nevada

This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.

Fav 1 321 169
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(778): View more from British Columbia

that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it

(604): View more from British Columbia

fuck you.

(778): View more from British Columbia

DO NOT LOSE IT

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