I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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