So drunk, too bad you don't want this
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize