Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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