it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Semen is not good for contacts.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
