My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
