i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
