Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Randomize
