I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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