We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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