i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
