I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
there is glitter all over my balls
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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