The maid of honor just puked.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
