an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Randomize
