My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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