gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
i can't believe i had my finger in that
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
