i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
