She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize