to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
