stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
