I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
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