Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
