I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
