brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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