I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
