yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
