well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
