I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
