did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
