Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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