Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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