Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
