he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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