apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Randomize
