her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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